WAKE UP

Wake Up Call
11-04-2008 – Wake up call – 304lbs with sugars at 468 (normal is 80-105). How did I do this to myself again, I had lost to 265 from 350 several years ago and here I am back up to 304. This is really making me angry. I have allowed food to steal my joy in life, I have such an amazing life and I am allowing stuffing a burger or pizza put limitations on me. I was blessed with a real type A personality and I have never let anything stop me to getting where I wanted to be, So I thought, however, you know what I have learned in the past 24 hours that has really ticked me off. Food controls me (for those of you that know me – I don’t like to be controlled). It controls the fact that I have to ask for a seat belt extension on a plane that I can never sit in the bulkhead aisle because I will not fit. It controls that I can’t eat on a plane because the lap tray won’t drop pass my stomach. It controls that I don’t have a lap to sit a child on or to sit a tray on, it controls that I have to wear granny panties and can’t wear cool shoes or nylons, it controls every piece of clothes that goes on my body, they don’t make many cool close for a size 26. It controls that I have never been to Disney because I am afraid that I won’t fit on a ride. It also controls that I can’t sit on my husbands lap, the man that I love more than the air that I breathe loses out because I allow myself to overeat – yes, I will not say the normal – oh I don’t eat that much. Well Wake up Anita, if you weigh in at 304, you aren’t eating a lot of salads and healthy foods. AH, that brings me to the Health word, food is my worst enemy as a diabetic and I have to come to peace with it to live past 50. My doctor is really pushing the bypass surgery. WAKE UP Anita, it’s time to make changes in my life. I have said this many times and have never really had the will power to complete it, I just keep on doing the same things. Well, you know according to Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results” It’s time to do something different. It’s time to find a way a new lifestyle and not a diet. I have to find what works for me, keeping in mind that it has to be something that I can do for a lifestyle change not just until I drop a few pounds (like 150). So, I am going to spend the next year trying a new diet every month and rating if I could do this for the majority of my life. I will journal my journey with the end destination not being a number on scale but where I am comfortable with my body and I am healthy, but I can guarantee you that I will be able to cross my legs, wear sexy undies and sit on my husbands lap without causing serious pain. One more thing, the way that folks look at you when you are overweight, they think that you eat non-stop, they think we have no will power. We have to fight twice as hard for promotions (normally). It’s the only handicap that is still legal to be prejudice. I won’t take nothing for my journey now.